I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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