I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I would ride that face into the sunset
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
