I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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