there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
