try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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