Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she peed on how many people?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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