Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
