O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
