hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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