btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
