if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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