So drunk its hurt
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
ok first of all what the fuck
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize