so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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