Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize