so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
