i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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