...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize