I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
