I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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