In the future we'll all be gay
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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