Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just cut my nipple shaving
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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