I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
