grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
