I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
