It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize