it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
As shirtless as possible
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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