My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
