have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
