How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
