This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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