Rock
Scissors
Fuck
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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