In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
