You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
