At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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