i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
