Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
