Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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