My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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