How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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