We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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