So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
