he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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