you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
