Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Randomize
