New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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