it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
