He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
