I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
