last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
