in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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