how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
