Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
