Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
