Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
