Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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