I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
