just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
