She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
