just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
