drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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