Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
