She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How does one acquire holy water?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
