He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
