Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize