i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
