I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
