It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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