the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
