I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
