We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
