i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
