he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
