kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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