u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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