If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
