i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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