i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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