Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
