dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
