I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
