Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
