their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
