i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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