I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
