Don't make out with my wife yet
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
