I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
