so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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