If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
