Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize