You can't motorboat a personality
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
