I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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