Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
