Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
