i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
