You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
